If the Lord does not send a husband. When God sends to us that same man... the most beloved and most long-awaited, the only

Not all girls are equally lucky and sometimes, after many attempts to find their soulmate, after unsuccessful meetings and dates, girls alone ask themselves the question: “Why doesn’t God give me a husband?”

The answer to this question most often lies in the woman herself. There can be many reasons. Basically, they consist in a woman’s emotional unreadiness to marry or in an imagined handsome man with impeccable qualities, who is not so easy to find.

Every girl, depending on whether she is a believer or not, can find her own answer to the question of why she is still single, or why God does not give her a husband.

Many representatives of the fair sex, losing hope and faith, begin to blame God for their failures. There is such a thing as the crown of celibacy. Even though this is a common superstition, contrary to the church’s attitude that one cannot believe in damage and the evil eye, many girls see this as the cause of all their troubles.

It is believed that the crown of celibacy was imposed by ill-wishers as a result of some special ritual. However, there are those who believe that the girl programs herself for negativity, or attracts the wrong men to her.

In addition, the priests claim that there is no such thing as a crown of celibacy in the Orthodox Church; moreover, belief in such superstitions is a departure from the true Orthodox Church. It's not just unmarried girls who face problems.

Some wives are beaten by their husbands, some are not allowed to have children. And this is not a curse, not an evil eye or damage. It’s just that at a certain point in life we ​​need to go through tests that make us stronger.

The priests encourage you to pray to God, to read a prayer so that God will give you a husband. Our life is in the hands of the Almighty, but in order for him to help us, we need to communicate with him.

However, due to a vicious life, unwillingness to repent and pray, we ourselves do not notice the possibility of choice. Our pride and excessive demands do not allow us to see what the Almighty presents to us on a silver platter.

Of course, there are other options for answering this question. Some of them are magical, some are explained in our energy.

Many supporters of the concept of karma are convinced that it is precisely it that influences loneliness, our failures, happiness, luck or success. It is believed that our lives are influenced by who we were in past lives and what actions we performed.

If God does not give a husband, then we are paying off karmic debts from a past life. For example, in a past life you greatly offended a person who treated you with an open soul, or you decided never to get married. This is precisely what affects success in marriage right now.

God does not give a husband and children as a test. So that we analyze our lives and change our worldview.

You need to scan your kind of karma, find out what
female relatives had problems. Unfavorable ancestral karma affects the entire family.

There are also those who disagree with this point of view. According to some esotericists, in the same family there can be great people for whom everything was fine on the family front, and relatives who failed in life.

They believe that the reasons for loneliness lie in a person’s subconscious, his psychological conflicts and the negative attitudes of his family and environment.

Psychology answers to the question why God does not give a husband

Most often, you don’t need to look for the divine answer, but just dig inside yourself. We often create our own attitudes towards loneliness. They may be the following:

Loneliness also depends on our energy tone. If your tone is low, you don’t want to think about family, you have no desire to communicate with men, and even less so to create a family, then your energy will not be able to attract a man. Most likely, men will stay away.

If a girl herself has strength and is self-sufficient, her energy repels men, because they are looking for someone to protect.

Most often, the answer lies within ourselves, and there is no need to blame anyone else. God gives a good husband to those who strive for this themselves, who are ready to love and build a family. We just have to learn to see the options offered to us and make our choice.

Hello, Father Andrey. The husband and wife are sent by God. How can you understand that a man is the one sent by God, and not a rogue who will ruin your life (there are many of them now)? What is the most important thing to pay attention to when choosing a spouse? What should alert you and become a clear sign that this is not it...

Hello, Father Andrey. The husband and wife are sent by God. How can you understand that a man is the one sent by God, and not a rogue who will ruin your life (there are many of them now)? What is the most important thing to pay attention to when choosing a spouse? Which should alert you and become a clear sign that this is the wrong man. I really look forward to hearing from you.

Elena writes: “Hello, Father Andrey! The husband and wife are sent by God. How can you understand that a man is the one sent by God, and not a rogue who will ruin your life? What is the most important thing to consider when choosing a spouse? What should alert you, be a clear sign that this is the wrong man?”

Archpriest Andrei Tkachev answers:
- Now I will try to tell you a few things that seem to me to be supporting criteria. He must be hardworking. If he doesn’t like to work, then he will be a gigolo who will lie on the sofa, and you will serve him, wash him and feed him. He must be hardworking! He shouldn't put you in bed the first time he meets you. That is, he should not give free rein to his hands and, in general, demand from you in every possible way the only thing that a man needs, who has nothing special or good in his soul. He must take care of you and must wait for the woman herself to open up to the man - to open up to him in confidence - seeing in him not a male, but a friend, protector, husband. That is, he should not be arrogantly lustful. And, of course, he should not be an alcoholic, drug addict or gambling addict! That is, he should not have murderous passions - such as alcoholism, drug addiction and gambling addiction. If he is a player, stay away from him! This is not the same person. If he is a drunk, stay away from him! – You won’t cure him. If he is a drug addict, stay away from him! – it will be hell! If he wants to have you as a woman on the first date, stay away from him! - this is nothing! This animal. Well, if he doesn’t work, but wants something... You know, usually lazy people want to put the whole world in their pocket! Their dreamy part of the soul is developed to the point of disgrace. They want everything and do nothing. “What, will I work for these 25 thousand? I am a talented person! Half the world is not enough for me!” Do you understand? If this is such a schmuck, then get away from him too! That is, a hardworking, honest man who respects you as a woman and does not have bad habits. Perhaps this is a person with whom you can build your life. This is the minimum, below which there is nowhere to go. This is my opinion.

She fell in love with a married man very much, “not of her own free will.” We had nothing and we don’t need anything, neither me nor him. We don’t even see each other at all. (This is so that the essence of the issue is correctly understood.) I often go to...

Why does the Lord send forbidden love? And why doesn't God take away such love?
She fell in love with a married man very much, “not of her own free will.” We had nothing and we don’t need anything, neither me nor him. We don’t even see each other at all. (This is so that the essence of the issue is correctly understood.) I often go to Church and always pray fervently. I begged God to free him me from this love burden that took possession of my heart and alarmed my soul. However, the feeling is very strong and does not leave my heart. I don’t know where I have such a deep spiritual connection with this person and I cannot break it. Why doesn’t God take away such meaningless love, why does He send it to people? After all, this love could be given to the person who needs it, but it remained unfulfilled. How can you not worry about that person and find peace of mind...? How to help your soul torn apart by forbidden love? The pain does not leave the heart. How to free yourself from a feeling that torments and burdens you? What should a person learn in such a situation? After all, everything that God allows to happen to us has its purpose. Why did God send me such a test? This is a terrible shock of feelings. Please help me figure it out.

Angela says: “Help me figure it out: forbidden love. I fell in love with a married man very much. We had nothing, but we didn’t need anything - neither me nor him. We don't even see each other. This is so that the essence of the issue is correctly understood. I often go to church and always pray fervently. I begged God to free me from this love burden. However, the feeling is very strong. Why doesn't God take away such meaningless love? Why does he send it to people? This love should be given to the person who needs it, but it remains unfulfilled. What is this test for?
Archpriest Andrei Tkachev answers:

I dare to suggest, dear Angela, that this burden was sent to you in order to protect you from something. That is, for now, your heart is busy. At the moment, your heart is occupied by the image of a person who cannot belong to you. You fell in love with someone else's - that is, this is a kind of theft. Loving someone else’s husband means, as it were, “having your eye,” for example, on someone else’s motorcycle or someone else’s money. That is, it is clear that we will not take someone else’s property, therefore, we will not sleep with other people’s husbands, right? We won’t – even with our wives. But your heart is busy. That is, you are now filled to the brim with this strong passion, this feeling, and you are suffering.

In general, suffering is good. In general, this is a useful activity - to suffer. And who said that you need to enjoy? You have to suffer. During torment, a person grows above himself, and the upward movement of the soul occurs while the soul is squeezed on the right and left. Just as squeezed water rises up, so a grieving soul rises to God. Therefore, suffer. God bless! Suffer yourself. This will make you better. This will clear you of something that needs to be cleared of and prepare you for something that needs to be faced.

And I repeat: You are protecting yourself from something. Now, in fact, you are being protected by God from something, because your heart is busy and doesn’t want to look anywhere to the right or left anymore. Then it will pass. Continue to pray to God that He will tear this forbidden feeling out of your heart with meat, with blood, like a rotten tooth from your gum. You don't need it. And then the vacated space will be overgrown, and your love will come to you - something that no one can take away from you. I think this will be the case. Therefore, for now, in the abyss of passion, burn, harden - and do not burn out.

Families who ask the Lord for a child and cannot conceive for a long time are gradually filled with disappointment and bitterness; the question “Why does not the Lord give children to a woman?” is increasingly heard. How to accept and understand God's providence? Is it possible to find the strength after constant failures to trust Him further? Is there a way out of this situation?

Possible reasons

Why doesn't the Lord give a child to a woman? No one knows the answer for sure, and there is no single correct answer to this complex, dreary question. Everything is in the hands of the Lord and His Will is not ours, therefore all the answers are hidden from Him, but a person should not always search for them furiously.

What to do if God does not give children?

What are the possible causes of infertility in a woman? Without taking into account medical indications, you can make a short list:

1. As a test of faith and patience, some families could not come to terms with the absence of children for a long time, but just when their souls were filled with complete humility before the Lord and acceptance of His will, He sent them a baby.
2. For churching, some women who are diagnosed with infertility seek solutions in the church, thereby saving their and their husband’s souls. There is a lot of evidence of how people who joined the church and became true Orthodox soon became parents.
3. The consequence of abortion - murder (and this is precisely what abortion is) is strictly punished by the Lord and often women are those who have committed the orders of infertility. Children must be accepted when the Lord sends them, and not when a person decides;
4. The consequence of the sinful youth of parents is promiscuity, adultery, and some types of contraception have a detrimental effect on a woman’s reproductive abilities. Such people should first of all repent before the Lord and only then pray to Him for mercy and offspring.

Each case is individual, in any case, a woman (and her husband necessarily) should think about why the Lord does not send them offspring.

Perhaps you need to repent of something, maybe you need to confess a secret sin, or perhaps you need to do your part - get examined by a doctor and solve problems, if any.

The ways of the Lord are mysterious, and sometimes He does not give children of His own, so that the family can serve someone’s abandoned child and adopt him. And for some, the Lord does not allow them to have children because of selfishness and selfishness.

Everyone must find their own answer.

The Church and modern methods of combating infertility

Modern technologies allow even women who could not get pregnant for many years to finally become a mother. What does the Church say about the use of these methods?

To begin with, it should be clarified that all medications that help restore the reproductive function of the body are allowed and welcomed by the Church as a safe way to improve health and fulfill the human part. Therefore, the following methods are allowed:

• medical examinations;
• use of hormonal drugs;
• tracking menstrual cycles;
• use of appropriate medications.

But the following were prohibited by the Council of Bishops in 2000:

• in vitro fertilization;
• surrogacy.

Church opinion on IVF

Why is IVF prohibited? Because this is a gross invasion of the mystery of conception and the accompanying murder of children. The decision of the Council prohibited Orthodox believers from using all types of this procedure.

Eco is performed as follows: superovulation is stimulated, which makes it possible to obtain a large number of eggs, the best ones are selected from them and fertilized with the husband’s seed. The fertilized cells are then placed in a special incubator where they mature so that they can be partly transplanted into the uterus and partly frozen.

Important! There is no guarantee that a miscarriage will not occur, but embryos are always destroyed or killed during the procedure. Therefore, the Church strictly prohibits these procedures.

Answers from priests

Many priests agree on one opinion - that it is necessary to accept God’s providence with humility.

For example, Elder Paisius the Svyatogorets said that God sometimes deliberately delays in order to further fulfill His plan for saving people. This can be seen in many stories in the Bible - Abraham and Sarah, Joachim and Elizabeth, St. Anna, Elizabeth and Zechariah. The birth of children depends on God first of all, but also on man. And it is necessary to do everything possible so that God gives the child, but if He hesitates, there is a reason for this and we must accept it.

We must pray and not lose heart! Hegumen Luka expresses a kind of revolutionary idea that in the case of a childless union it is not necessary to do anything. The main thing in our life is finding salvation and only then the joys of marriage and motherhood. So some are predestined by God to be single, so some are predestined to serve the Lord and not have children.

Archpriest Pavel Gumerov advises infertile couples not to despair, but to wait patiently. He advises to undergo a medical examination, solve all problems in human ways, simultaneously praying to the righteous Joachim and Anna, Peter and Fevronia, as well as making pilgrimage trips to holy places. He says being away from children for long periods of time tests their feelings.

Priest Valery Dukhanin advises not to strive to comprehend all the secrets of Divine care for people. Children are God's gift, given according to His will and Providence. It is necessary to accept them with humility. He gives some examples that show that sometimes God closes a woman’s womb for the benefit of the spouses and one must be able to accept this benefit.

What to do if you can’t give birth to a child? About the talent of childlessness

Mar 25, 2018 16:27Administrator

molitva-info.ru

There is no will of God for our loneliness - the priest’s answer to a site reader

Hello, Elena.

How to stop wanting a family and children, you ask, how to come to terms with loneliness?

Priest Sergius Kruglov

I don't think so. It is impossible to come to terms with this, especially since the word “humility” in the Christian sense does not at all mean “give up on everything and surrender to the enemy.” Loneliness is one of the faces of our enemy, death, that enemy whom Christ the Lord defeated by His death and Resurrection, in the victory over which we are all called to take part. All of our Christian work is dedicated to the fight against loneliness - coming out of ourselves, from the shell of our “I”, to our neighbor, to God, recognition and unity with them in love. Love is God’s most important commandment to man; by striving for it, man overcomes loneliness.

Your words: “How to accept God’s will for yourself?” I think in this context they are incorrect. It is not God’s will for us to be lonely and suffer, His will is for us to be happy. I say this sincerely, and not at all because the priest’s job, they say, is to “protect” God. God does not need our protection, especially when we explain the misfortune that is happening by His will and blame everything on Him. In the fact that your heart does not accept various Orthodox clichéd answers to painful questions, I see a manifestation of the will of God. After all, the Lord gives each of us the strength and ability of mind, heart and body to fight for our happiness.

Christians must strive for happiness, and not just “please God.” In our idea that with our fasting, prayers, confession, communion, and doing good deeds we must “please God,” there is undoubtedly a sound grain. After all, it’s a joy for a child to please mom and dad. But there is also a bias: firstly, if we consider all this to be an end in itself, and not just a means for something greater.

Secondly, if for us God is not so much a loving and compassionate Father for us, but rather a formidable Master and Boss, then pleasing turns into slavish doing under the lash, that is, completely opposite to what God wants from us.

Why are we unhappy, why do we have to fight for happiness, that is, fulfilling God’s commandment of love and overcoming loneliness - sometimes fighting hard, painfully, until we bleed? Because we were born into a fallen world, full of evil, sin, imperfection and danger. Life is such that it does not spare anyone, it drives over us indifferently and blindly, not paying attention to someone’s screams and moans, the crunching of the bones of the righteous or sinners under the wheel.

The fact that we are still alive, despite a million dangers, can be considered a real miracle, a miracle of the manifestation of God’s care for us.

He went to the cross for us and always puts His hands under the blows of life that befall us. Why and for what purpose all this evil is a meaningless question; what God created has meaning, but evil has no meaning. Another question is relevant - what to do about this evil and how to fight it.

How do you, Elena, fight for your happiness? I, of course, do not give any advice, especially since I only know about your circumstances what you yourself said in the letter; here, the absentee advice that we sometimes easily and willingly give to each other right and left may be “missing the mark,” are simply harmful. The idea that a priest knows the exact answers to all questions is fundamentally wrong. Life, alas, poses many more questions than it answers. But it is also important to ask the right questions. After reading your letter, questions may be:

“I’m used to relying on the “will of God” in everything - it sounds Orthodox, but doesn’t this actually mean, as it often, alas, happens: I want God, the Supreme Authority, to decide for me, to guide me - but without my participation, that I'm afraid to take responsibility for my life?

So I wrote that I am not a blue stocking in a black scarf, I go to companies, but I do not mention those men who were with me in these companies, in general about those that I met in life. Am I really living on some fantastic planet where there are no men at all? Could it be that men did meet, but things “didn’t work out” with them? And if this is really the case, then why didn’t it work out?

Let me remind you once again: I’m not talking specifically about you, Elena, but I’m just giving you food for thought. Many women come to church with questions similar to yours, and the leitmotif of their complaints is approximately the same: I want to have a husband, but the kind of men I meet are not suitable for me, one is childish, another likes to drink, and there is no spiritual intimacy with the third. What to do?

If we put aside tears and complaints, there are two real ways. Or don’t waste your time and stubbornly wait for what you want, the one you see in your dreams. But then you need to soberly tell yourself: I’m ready to wait and endure for years, perhaps my whole life, but I don’t agree to live without true love. God help me!

Or the second way: remember that God commanded to love real, and not imaginary, neighbors, and that the main way to receive love is to start loving yourself. And marry someone who exists, who you actually met in life, even if he is not ideal. And tell myself soberly: I am ready to do everything that a lover does for his beloved, bear him children, be faithful to him, not judge and not reject him from myself for his sins. I’m ready to help him get rid of them, without waiting for feelings to come along with deeds of love. God help me!

Both paths are a cross. Not what you called a “cross” in your letter, but precisely this: we bear the cross following the example of our Teacher and Savior, and He accepted the cross consciously and voluntarily. Unwanted, involuntary torment and suffering, which you just strive to throw off your shoulders, is no longer a cross. And there is no benefit from such torment and suffering.

What will I choose - to continue to sit, huddled in the shell of my unfulfilled desires, to wallow in my grievances and sores, watching in panic as the years pass, as dissatisfaction and despondency develop into severe depression? Or take and take steps within my power? Everyone decides for themselves. Only in the first case, God cannot break through to us through the shell of loneliness, which we ourselves strengthen with our inaction, but in the second, He helps us carry the cross, and life takes on meaning.

Because every cross carried along with Christ, to the extent of one’s faith, ends not in death, but in resurrection. I cannot prove this right now - but I can testify that I have met both those who patiently waited for their love, and those who, in everyday life, day after day, grew it from what was at hand.

Of course, life is full of nuances, and in reality everything can be much more complicated than in my thoughts. In any case, I wish you, Elena, not to despair, and I believe that everything will be fine for you. Easily? No, it’s unlikely that it’s easy. Everything real and vitally important in life is always won. In the struggle with yourself - first of all, with your passions, illusions, phobias, fears, lack of faith. Yes, in the struggle there is a real risk of getting wounded and maimed, but there is also a real chance of winning, because God is for us.

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Priest Mikhail Nemnonov: Marriage is the last corner of heaven on earth

Today everyone is talking about the family crisis. Indeed, where can you now see an idyllic family, as in the 19th century - spouses, parents, godfathers and many, many children, or even a post-war family, where there are fewer children, but two or three, for sure, and the parents live in perfect harmony. According to statistics, today there are twice as many divorces as marriages. Such happy people who love each other two years later indifferently say: “They don’t get along in character...”. Orthodox families are also falling apart. Parents also grieve for their children... We asked priest Mikhail Nemnonov to answer the most pressing questions - many of which were asked to us by readers of the site.

– Where should a proper family life begin? What is the most important rule of family life?

– – The main rule of Christian family life is very simple: “Seek first the Kingdom of God and its righteousness,” says the Lord, “and all other things will be added to you.” The family life of a Christian is the “private” of the “general”; our family responsibilities are part of our Christian duty. Family life is the way we try to get closer to God, it is the path to salvation. Even family problems teach inner spiritual life and do not hinder it, because they are solved only when we try to change ourselves, and not our loved ones.

– Father, is it correct to say that spouses should, first of all, treat family life as a readiness to make a sacrifice on their part?

– I am very careful about calls for sacrifices. Sacrifice is certainly present in the Christian life. Someone even said that in the life of every conscious Christian there are elements of martyrdom. But if we make too many sacrifices in the family, and especially before marriage we set ourselves up to sacrifice, sacrifice, and sacrifice again, this can be harmful for both the other spouse and the family as a whole.

– That is, from the very beginning there should not be an attitude that marriage is martyrdom?

– No, the installation should be different. Marriage is above all joy. Someone said that marriage is the last corner of heaven on earth. At least, this is how it should be, and this is exactly what you need to tune in to.

– Father, what do you see as the main problem of the modern family?

– The main problem of a Christian family is probably our selfishness. Because there are terrible cases: people easily look for affairs on the side, having several children and at the same time being churched (!) Christians, and at the same time they talk about Christian love, about spiritual love...

We have become more spoiled than we were before. In my memory, there has never been an ideal life or ideal people. But still, over the past twenty to thirty years we have become more pampered and narcissistic. Today we are less aware of what duty is, and with greater taste and enthusiasm we please ourselves, even as church people. Many people understand church life itself as a way to give themselves pleasure, albeit not rough, not material, but some kind of subtle and spiritual pleasure, but pleasure nonetheless. And we often go to church, attend the sacraments, confess and communicate with confessors not at all in order to become closer to God or to part with sins, but with the goal of pleasing ourselves.

This is what the family suffers from. The main problem is precisely that we see even the closest people through the prism of our selfishness. This, on the one hand, is natural - man is designed this way. Some psychologists claim that a person is “normally” 90% selfish. We all want to be warm, to be well-fed, to be treated well, to be spoken to gently and lovingly. By nature, we are such that we feel our own need for all this more acutely than the needs of other people. But only the Lord calls us to do for others what we wish for ourselves. And we, knowing this, demand from others that they do everything for us, leaving ourselves the role of consumers.

– How do you generally maintain your own opinion, without fear of offending love or showing pride?

– In a healthy family, everyone has their own opinion. There was such a case. A married couple who was on the verge of divorce came to see a psychologist. The psychologist asked the wife: “What do you want from your husband?” She replied: “I want him to be a real man.” Then he asked: “And if your husband’s opinion does not coincide with your opinion, what do you think he should do?” “He must agree with me,” the wife answered without a shadow of a doubt. It is not surprising that this family almost broke up.

In my opinion, there is nothing offensive in the fact that your opinion does not coincide with the opinion of your spouse. The best way out in this case is to give in to each other in turn (if, of course, we are talking about permissible things). But just beware of putting someone else's head on your shoulders - it will only get worse.

– How to overcome irritation?

-What irritates you? The first way is to change your attitude towards the situation. And the second is to behave as if we were not annoyed at all. And in any case, you need to ask God to find a way out. But first you need to understand what and why causes you irritation.

– They often say: everyday life is boring. What does this mean and how should it be overcome in the family?

– – Everyday life “sticks” in different ways. Some can barely make it to their next paycheck, while others don’t know where to go on vacation: Egypt, Cyprus or the Canary Islands. It is clear that such “congestion with everyday life” is overcome in different ways. But in any case, the words of the Savior remain valid that “a person’s life does not depend on the abundance of his possessions” (Luke 12:15). Let me try to explain: a poor person does not become poorer in soul from the difficulties and inconveniences that he experiences in life if his main goal is to become closer to God. Likewise, a rich person does not become worse for his wealth if he considers it as a means for serving God and his neighbor, and not as an end in itself. Therefore, everyday difficulties, whatever they may be, do not prevent us from living a spiritual life, but teach us to love God more than earthly comforts - those that we have or those that we want to have.

– If a person gets tired of pulling the burden of household chores, of which there are more and more, irritation and displeasure appear. There is no joy in the house, just routine. How to deal with this?

– If we are drowning in household chores, there is only one way out - organization. You don’t always like it, it’s not very pleasant. But by spending effort to put things in order in our affairs and in our lives, we gain more than we spend.

Modern life is such that everyone has to learn to be collected. Nowadays, this is an indispensable condition for success in any endeavor, both spiritual and everyday. This is a requirement of life.

For example, we have a small two-room apartment, but now that we have five children, it is more spacious than it was at first. Every thing has become more accessible. And the secret is very simple. We slowly threw out everything unnecessary and thought about what and how to rearrange it to make it more convenient. They bought some things, caring primarily not about the interior, but about functionality. Sometimes we made mistakes in choosing new furniture, sometimes we didn’t. Our funds are small, but it turned out that they are enough to make our life in this apartment easier in everyday terms than it was ten years ago. I’m not saying that we have become very organized, but we have become convinced that a lot can be done along this path.

– What if the husband spends twelve hours at work?

– The husband should still participate in the household. Of course, he can no longer fully control what happens at home. He arrives tired and for the first time after work cannot participate in household chores. Therefore, the wife's responsibility increases. If a wife wants to become a good housewife, she will become one. But the final responsibility still remains with the husband, as the head of the family. You can’t just demand, you also need to put your hand in. Not to his wife, of course, but to household chores.

– What should a wife do if she arrives even later than her husband?

– It doesn’t matter who comes earlier or later. Both participate in household chores, each to the best of their ability. Otherwise, both will have difficulties that they themselves will not be happy about. You can always change things for the better. If you don’t have the energy or time, lower the “bar” lower. But don’t remove it completely, otherwise there will definitely be no clearance.

– Where does the “sawing” of a husband/wife begin, and where does caring for him/her begin? If you don't say some things, they will never be done, because... no time and energy. But if you talk about them, you spoil the mood...

– Caring for one’s neighbor, based on love, and not on incontinence, knows how to find the right path to the goal. “Nawing” means repeating the same thing over and over again. And this is one of the surest ways to turn any person against yourself. Experience shows that husbands and wives who managed to influence their spouses looked for ways to interest and motivate the other half to action, and reward in this case works many times better than punishment.

Repeat to your husband 15 times in a row some ordinary request, for example: “Go to the store” or “Take out the bucket” - and for this time you will become unpleasant to him, even if he does not tell you about it. But pose the question differently, for example: “Let you go to the store, and I’ll clean up the house, and then we’ll go together to...” If your husband is interested in the purpose of your trip and at the same time understands that he won’t be able to dump his part of the work on you, - then, I guarantee, he will do it as quickly as possible.

– How to live with those you don’t love? If after some time a person realizes that he no longer loves his husband (wife), what should he do? Is it better to break up?

– A strong marriage is based on responsibility, on obligations, and not at all on the feeling of love. Someone said that a successful marriage is one that successfully overcomes one crisis after another and becomes stronger and more responsible as a result.

Responsibility helps to overcome difficulties. And feeling is a reward. To wake up in the morning with a feeling of love, you need to earn it, at least from the previous evening.

Why did the wife become unpleasant? This is the key question. We need to understand when and why it became unpleasant. There is no other way. As they say, spiritual warmth can only be returned through the doors through which we released it. Likewise, family relationships can only be restored from the point at which they began to collapse.

Those marriages in which spouses are guided only by their feelings are doomed to collapse. The feeling of love, like any feeling, is changeable, and if spouses come together and diverge every time a new feeling visits them, we will have neither a family, nor a state, nor a society, but will be a sum of selfish and at the same time very unhappy individuals, unsuitable for any serious business.

Someone said it well that like everything else that is worth fighting for, marriage requires daily work and fulfillment of the obligations assumed by everyone. Then, over time, the feeling of love will grow.

– Suppose that after some time the beauty that the girl had disappeared.

– Beauty fades with time for everyone. But not all families collapse because of this. If people love each other, external beauty is not so important. And besides, the expression on a woman’s face is more important than its outline.

– What if my wife’s character began to change for the worse?..

– Why did her character deteriorate during her life with such a wonderful husband? Maybe he doesn't have an ideal character either? Then there is a reason to take care of your own “log”, and not about other people’s “straws”.

– But it happens that one spouse becomes unpleasant to the other...

“We need to understand why he became unpleasant.” This depends not only on the wife or husband, but also on the spouse himself who experiences this hostility. And let's not forget that marriage is a commitment that we take upon ourselves. Why don’t we marry people in a so-called civil marriage, that is, those who live together without being married? Because there is no moment of commitment, which exists in a legal marriage. I don't see any other difference. People want to enjoy the pleasant aspects without committing themselves to anything. Such cohabitation does not in any way correspond to the Christian concept of marriage. Marriage is a commitment. It is, of course, based on love. Without love there is no point in getting married. Therefore, before the wedding ceremony, the priest asks: “Do you have a good and spontaneous will and a strong thought to take as your wife such and such, whom you see here before you?” The man answers: “Yes.” And only after this the wedding ceremony itself begins. But by deciding to do this, we take on obligations to another person. Including the obligation to endure his infirmities. Let's remember this.

– Is it true that a wife can drive her husband to drunkenness with her constant criticism and “nawing”? Do some of the spouse’s vices sometimes really come from the eternal dissatisfaction of his half?

– Yes, many men began to drink out of stupidity and lack of love for their wives. The Holy Scriptures contain the following lines: “The husband of a wise woman is known at the gates of the city.” The most honorable citizens gathered at the city gates to resolve the most important issues. This was the ancient “city council”. And this is absolutely certain: a wise wife will find a way to help her husband develop his strengths. But if the wife nags her husband, endlessly points out his shortcomings, and he is not strong enough to cope with this, then he will begin to degrade. And then the wife will receive what she herself sowed. The husband will sit in front of the TV, drink beer, and the wife will cry that she has nothing to talk to him about.

– Why does everyone notice “let the woman fear”, but they don’t see about “like Christ the Church”?

– Because here everyone now knows how everyone else is obliged to work. By the way, not everyone notices the words “let the wife fear her husband.” For example, women rarely notice these words, although they are addressed specifically to them and not to men.

I have seen many women who complained about the unkind treatment of their husbands, but they themselves did not show any respect for them either in personal communication or in front of people. But the words husbands, love your wives as your bodies, as Christ is the Church, are addressed to husbands, but they are mainly noticed by wives. Apparently, it is easier to think about how others should act, rather than how one should act.

– About priorities in the family (from the mother’s point of view): who should you run to first – your tired husband after work or your crying child?

– When your husband comes home from work, be ready to greet him.

If the child suddenly starts crying, go to the child first. But if you do not show attention and interest in your husband returning from work, then he will return home without interest.

– Where is the line between how much time is devoted to the husband and the time devoted to the child? For example, a husband wants to structure his day in one way, and this goes against the child’s daily routine.

– Usually people who have lived together for several years and given birth to a child know exactly who needs to sleep when, and what will happen if the schedule is violated on some days. If difficulties arise here, then the point is not in the child, but in the fact that the spouses do not understand each other. It’s hard for me to imagine that my husband would demand to go for a walk if the children absolutely need to sleep at this time. And besides, it is difficult to imagine that such a walk would cause great harm to the child. But if this happens regularly, then you need to convey to your husband your vision of the problem and try to solve it together.

– So the child has priority in this situation?

– No, in this situation the priority should be adequate behavior. It also happens that a wife demands compliance with the regime from her husband, but she herself breaks it whenever she wants - to talk on the phone with her friends or sit in front of the TV. In this case, it would be, at the very least, absurd to quarrel with a husband who wanted to go for a walk with his family. And it would be dishonest to justify this quarrel with concern for the child’s regime.

– What if this is not an isolated case?

– What should a wife do if her husband demands fulfillment of all his whims? If these whims are truly harmful to children, they need to be protected. The husband is an adult, he is responsible for himself. And parents are responsible for their children. And if dad is not capable of this, then mom will be responsible for the children. I have already said that peace in the family is not the highest value, although it is dear. The highest value is our Christian duty. And it also means taking care of your children.

– What should spouses do if one of them suffers from computer addiction and completely goes into virtual reality?

– Usually, before a person leaves for any other reality, the spiritual, emotional connection between spouses is somehow undermined or weakened. It’s hard to imagine that people love each other, truly live in each other’s interests, and suddenly one of them completely goes into virtual reality. I know one family where there is such a problem, I know both spouses personally. My husband, coming home from work, can play computer games for several hours in a row. The same thing happens on weekends. But in this family there is no complete mutual understanding between the spouses on other issues. This incident convinced me that the problem of one of the family members leaving for virtual reality does not arise out of the blue. Maybe outwardly everything is fine in such families, but in reality people usually live with some different interests. And here the computer attracts the weakest. But if there was no deep community even before immersion in the virtual world, then isn’t it better to go back and try to understand why it wasn’t there and where it went?

“But there are times when even in quite prosperous families the husband sits for hours at the computer.

– If a person spends a lot of time at the computer, this does not mean that he has completely gone into virtual reality. The computer in general causes a slight addiction in almost every person who uses it. And the problem you are talking about occurs in almost every family where one of the members works with a computer. For example, this was the case in my family. I had to work on a computer when I was a deacon and wrote articles for the Radonezh newspaper, as well as my diploma thesis. And I remember well that it was difficult for me to tear myself away from work; I always wanted to place or design something differently. Then, when I became a priest, life turned out in such a way that for two years I did not use a computer at all. And now I work mostly early in the morning, when everyone is asleep, except when I have to do something very urgent. Work is work, sometimes for the sake of it you have to be distracted from household chores. But I think the old attachment to the computer has passed. So I can testify that it is surmountable.

– What if in a family where both spouses are believers, one of them spends a lot of time not at work, but in computer games?

– If it’s about games, you need to repent of such a hobby. And if a person addicted to gaming does not want to do this, it makes sense for someone else to turn to a qualified and, preferably, Orthodox psychologist who is familiar with the problem of “computer addiction.” I think a good specialist in this field will tell you how to help the injured family member, or at least how not to harm him even more.

– Question about marital relations in the post...

– This is a difficult question.

It’s one thing if one of the spouses is an unbeliever or, let’s say, unchurched. Everything is clear here: a person does not know what fasting is. And to demand that he observe marital fasting forcibly means subjecting him (and along with him, oneself) to tests, the consequences of which can be very disastrous. The Apostle writes: “Do not deviate from one another except by agreement” (1 Cor. 7:5). And with an unbelieving spouse, agreement on the issue of observing the marital fast is not easy to achieve.

But there is another side to the question: what if both spouses are believers and churchgoers, if both live a Christian spiritual life, confess and receive communion? And if they are already close to that “unanimity of souls and bodies” for which the Church prays in the Sacrament of Marriage, but one of them wanted to break the marital fast? The fact is that here agreement already exists in advance: both spouses agree that fasting must be observed in all respects. Against this background, the desire of one of them to break the fast looks like a whim, or a temptation. In this case, is it necessary to go after him? Ideally, no. In my opinion, if both spouses are already living a church life, the refusal of one of them to join the marital relationship during Lent will serve the common good, and the other half will subsequently only be grateful for this.

However, in real life, not everything is as simple as we would like. Therefore, there are no and cannot be universal rules about observing or breaking marital fasting. And if the issue of marital relations during Lent concerns you, discuss it with an experienced confessor whose opinion you trust - I think he will give you good advice on what to do in your particular situation.

– A question asked by our readers about the distribution of family and social responsibilities in the family: “Since I consider myself an independent person, I’m not sure that I can avoid encroaching on my husband’s “area of ​​responsibility.” That is, the line between men’s and women’s duties and responsibilities is not entirely perceptible to me.”

– Usually independent people respect independence in others. Recently, one Hollywood actress got married, choosing the date of July 4th - Independence Day. She explained her choice this way: “I’m tired of my independence from men.” So, despite all our independence, we have a need for someone who is higher than us. Not necessarily much smarter, not necessarily stronger in everything, but the first is before us, and we become second after him. For a woman, such a person is her husband. (The attitude of a man towards his wife is based on other principles - there should be no equality in this.) Those women who demand that their husbands do what they, their wives, want, act extremely stupidly. They are robbing themselves. Share your areas of responsibility with your husband and help each other, not forgetting which of you is “first among equals” and who is “second among equals.”

– The question of the need for work for a wife: on the one hand, family is the main thing, on the other hand, there is a danger of being “out of tune,” becoming lazy, ceasing to be interesting to the children, husband, and respected by them.

– And still, family should be more important than work for a woman. If you have an internal need for work and at the same time have time, find a job. But remember that no one can replace a mother in the family - neither a nanny nor a grandmother. So let your work or any other business be subject to the general flow of your family's life.

– Another question from readers, a painful question for many Russian women: how to remain sweet, feminine, weak, if the position of the “weaker sex” in the family is taken by the husband? Many women have to support their family both morally and financially.

– You are the first (and last) who can help your husband take the position of the stronger sex. By the way, not all women sincerely strive to be cute, feminine and weak. Another woman “will stop an elephant in its tracks and tear off its trunk.” And after that she will sigh that she is not allowed to be sweet and feminine.

If the husband took the position of the “weaker sex,” then the woman, or maybe two women, is to blame. One of them is your mother-in-law, and the other is you. Moreover, the wife’s fault is usually greater than the husband’s mother’s fault.

It has been noticed that a man who fails to “defeat” his domineering and stubborn wife degrades. This degradation can take many forms. The softest is indecision, fear of somehow angering Her Majesty the Wife.

Of course he won't make any decisions. After all, if he tries to do this, inevitable trouble awaits him. But he will not implement your decisions as his own. Therefore, sitting in front of the TV with a bottle of beer or with a cat on his lap - no one helped him find himself in something else.

But if you have never tried to get the better of your husband and another woman is to blame - his mother - then help him get out of the “hole” in which he finds himself. Push him to make his own small decision in any matter - albeit not as wise as yours, but still kind. Help him implement this decision: support him in the middle of the journey and reward him when everything is done. And if he turns out to be a capable student, then one day let him go forward to his rightful place.

– What to do in such a situation: the wife clearly sees that she is giving her husband the right advice, but he wants to do things his own way and does not understand that his wife is offering the right way out of the current situation?

– Everyone has the right to learn from their own mistakes. In addition, we are not always as right as we ourselves think. So show respect to your husband even where you think he is wrong. Respectfully tell him that you disagree with him and respect his decision. According to the apostle: “Christ is the head of the Church, and the head of the wife is the husband.”

I think that first of all a Christian family should be happy. This does not mean that we should indulge each other in everything. But if a Christian family is a picture of an unhappy combination of two or four people, then every unbeliever or half-believer, looking at it, will say: Well, if that is all that God can do!.. Or even worse: If God’s intrusion into the relationship of two brings such fruits to people, then it’s better without Him... And it seems to me (I’m not talking about all happiness, not about harmony in evil, but about a serious attitude) that at the center of the family there should be love, there should be joy, and not constant torment in the name of some ideal, often fictitious. Often the Christian family could be the most convincing argument that when God comes into some setting, comes to some group of people. He brings something that is nowhere to be found, and that can be called happiness, not brokenness. I therefore speak of happiness as the first and very important condition. Happiness, of course, must be morally consistent, that is, there must be truly Christian love between husband and wife; and when I say “Christian,” I’m not saying something exotic and strange, but simply that attitude in which a person honors, loves, considers another, believes that he or she (this applies to both) will gladly sacrifice something desired for the sake of another; that children are also brought up in truth, in love, that they try to instill in them that goodness brings joy, and not just effort, etc. It seems to me that a happy family is convincing proof that, if God came into the human situation, it can blossom in a way that no other can. Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh. Man before God. M.: Pilgrim, 2000

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Why can God not give a husband? I live alone, I have never had a relationship, there has never been mutual love, just not mutual.

Why can God not give a husband? I live alone, I have never had a relationship, mutual love too, but not mutual, no one has ever courted me, there is emptiness inside, it seems that I will never have a family. Why is it so, God gives this happiness to some early and simply, but to others not. I pray, I try to change, but despondency takes away my hope, does God want me to live alone? But I understand that I don’t want this, even those who don’t believe in God live as they want, God gives a family. Thank you Seriously, I'm not an expert on love issues. There is no need to blame God, as if He has a warehouse with suitors, and He gives to some and not to others. Look at your lifestyle. It is quite possible that you lead a lifestyle in which it is impossible to meet anyone. If, for example, you sit at home all the time and are depressed, then it will be very difficult to meet anyone. Will God really zombify some man and send him to your apartment with a bouquet of flowers? It is clear that I know absolutely nothing about you and your lifestyle. But generally speaking, I would start with this. Join a club for mountain climbers, chess players, parachutists, gardeners, astronomers, literature lovers, etc., etc. - communicate with interesting people in an interesting environment. God help you!

Category: Answers from priests to questions | Posted by: Orthodoxy (10/20/2016) |

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Many unmarried girls, after frequent breakups, despair and ask questions: “Why doesn’t God give them family happiness? What am I doing wrong? I go to church, pray and still remain a girl.” But why should God do this? Since all girls are extremely emotional, many of them have come up with the image of an ideal man, and for many years they wait to meet him in real life. They don't even want to look at those guys who live, study and work next to them. Only over the years do some women come to understand that fictional princes do not exist, and a simple man can become a wonderful life partner.

Church view on celibacy

Beautiful, successful girls who have failed to create family happiness often begin to complain about God in their failures or think that someone has imposed a crown of celibacy on them. They believe that the celibacy ritual performed by the sorceress dooms any girl to loneliness. But even experienced magicians say that such “miracles” are quite rare. But our subconscious has great power, and the negative programs embedded there often work without failure. We ourselves sometimes give instructions; with our thoughts and actions we attract people and situations that cannot make us happy. But it’s not for nothing that they say that every person is the architect of his own happiness.

The clergy generally exclude the possibility of the existence of a crown of celibacy. After all, no one had previously prayed to the Lord to remove such a “crown,” because they did not know about it. Modern Christians also consider this to be prejudice and superstition. Many married people suffer from family life, some cannot have children, some have a child who often gets sick, but this does not mean that they are all cursed. Of course, you need to turn to God for help, pray, talk to him, and then many family problems will gradually be resolved.

Karmic reasons

There are situations when a smart, beautiful and successful girl is fatally unlucky with marriage. Naturally, she begins to look for the cause of her suffering in anything, but not in herself, because she is ideal. Such a search may lead her to the question of karma, where we experience the results of our past actions. That is, in the previous incarnation we created all the conditions for today’s situation: we acted badly with our partner or rudely rejected a person in love, promised ourselves never to start a family, etc. In a word, with such actions we blocked any opportunity to create a happy family in this life .

If this is really the case, then now is a chance to correct past mistakes, change your behavior, tendencies and outlook on the world. If everything remains the same, the result will be a lack of personal happiness and bitter loneliness. Failures and difficulties should make us think about what we are doing wrong - analyze our behavior. Only a person who works on himself can develop and change his life for the better.

Some fortune tellers and psychics believe that in order to answer the question of why a woman has been single for a long time, you need to look at the karma of her entire family. They are sure that all a person’s successes and failures are influenced by ancestral karma. If not everything goes smoothly with her, then the descendants pay for the sins of their ancestors, living in suffering and loneliness. But there are experts who disagree with this statement. If we take the family as a whole, we can see that in one family there can be successful and unsuccessful children, priests and murderers, happily married and lonely people. Most likely, the cause of loneliness should be sought in the following factors:

• subconscious need;
• psychological conflicts;
• negative attitudes.

Psychological reasons

Women often do not have a partner, not because God did not give one, but because of their own negative attitudes towards potential loneliness. Let's look at them in more detail.

I don't need a husband. This is one of the forms of self-sufficiency when a woman feels good even without a partner. This can be either a conscious or subconscious attitude, when a girl is an introvert and finds it difficult to let another person into her world.

Search for the ideal man. In this situation, there is definitely no need to blame external forces. Because a woman sees only flaws in any man she meets. Often such an attitude is unconsciously laid down by strongly loving and caring parents, who examine each daughter’s admirer under a magnifying glass and make a verdict - “he is not worthy of you.” Even when there are fewer suitors, such a girl does not lose confidence that one day a prince will knock on her door and ask her to marry him. So she waits for the prince until old age, every day making more and more demands on the opposite sex.

We need a sponsoring partner. Some brides only look at men with money, but they themselves are not smart or educated, and, naturally, are in different social statuses. That's why such a beauty only dates rich suitors. But such meetings, as a rule, do not develop into anything serious, since a man with money has the right to make many demands on his chosen one. There are not many options for getting out of this situation: either look for a husband in your circle, or improve your level of education yourself to match your rich partner.

Bad experience. A common phenomenon is loneliness together. Therefore, if you get married, it is not at all a fact that your marriage will be happy. After a divorce, many women become disillusioned with family life and convince themselves that it will be better and calmer to be alone.

Not ready to give a man love. Not every woman can create an atmosphere of love. Men, feeling the coldness of such wives, try to avoid communicating with them. Is God to blame for the loneliness of such a girl? Many representatives of the fair sex should learn to give love and warmth themselves, then men will feel it and be drawn to such a woman.

Energy reasons

Every single woman should understand that prolonged loneliness leads to illness and depression. Why does the absence of a partner make women suffer? Let's look at the reasons:

• Weak energy, no strength for family life, the prevailing desire is to crawl into a shell so that no one is offended, and God must bring the husband directly into the house.
• The woman is jealous, demanding, touchy and vulnerable. Thus, she pushes men away from her. This style of behavior completely destroys all connections.
• A selfish and narcissistic girl who shows the world that she doesn't need a partner. Such women have a lot of empty, non-committal romances; they change partners often and without regret. He believes that the next man will be better than the previous one, but this is a pure delusion. The result is stress, depression and psychological disorders.

Magical reasons

If a girl is not invited to marry for a long time, she begins to think about damage and the evil eye. This is the easiest option to shift responsibility from yourself to circumstances. But perhaps there are negative programs for loneliness that affect the human energy field. If a girl is physically and psychologically healthy, then she has strong energy, so it is very difficult to harm her with the evil eye or damage.

But, if you think this has happened to you, contact a reputable psychic who can diagnose and refute or confirm your suspicions. If a “hole” is discovered at the level of the sexuality chakra, it means that a ritual for loneliness has actually been performed, which can be removed with the help of a specialist. Here's what experts think about this, watch the video: